💊 My Relationship with Control

There’s a version of me that’s extremely competent.
She triple-checks the MAR.
She knows where the crash cart is — and who’s most likely to need it.
She anticipates problems before they’re problems.

She’s great.
I like her.

But then there’s the version of me who spirals because I forgot to thaw the chicken.
Or because traffic made me late to the grocery store.
Or because someone put the spoons in the wrong drawer — again.

It’s not about the spoons.

It’s that I spend my whole shift managing chaos.
And when I get home, my brain still thinks the stakes are life or death.
So something small — something normal — can completely undo me.

That’s when I remember:
I don’t need to be in control all the time.
I don’t have to fix every detail.
Sometimes, I can let the chicken stay frozen and eat cereal on the couch.
Sometimes, I can let things fall apart — and nothing bad will happen.

I’m allowed to put the clipboard down.
Even if just for one night.

P.S.
Ever have a moment where things didn’t go to plan, and you just had to laugh, cry, or roll with it?
We’d love to hear your story — whether it’s funny, messy, or somewhere in between.
Drop it in the comments or email stories@pagingapparel.com if you'd like us to feature it on the blog.
We’re happy to post anonymously.

Let’s build a space where nurses can breathe — not just hold everything together.

— Still Standing in Crocs